I gave up the Facebook

I had four people call me today to see if I was okay because I hadn't written on my blog in, let me check....



And truth be told, it’s because I’m in the midst of about 5 new top secret projects, that I can’t quite share with you yet.



AND school was cancelled 4 days last week.

FOUR.

Plus also, I had to speak in church on Sunday, so I was in “church speaking mode” and not “blog speaking mode”…

I spoke about Charity.



Other fun things that happened this week include my sister getting engaged to the boy that I like.

Remember how I was scheming a way for them to fall in love?



This just goes to show that I’m a good matchmaker.

I have a success rate of 100%.



I also probably unfriended you on Facebook last week.  Don’t take it personally, I’m not even friends with all the people I’m related to.



And that’s pretty much it for now.

P.S. This was my 1000th post. I just felt like telling you that.

They've been banished to their rooms...

Today, because I am mean, I picked up every. single. toy. in the house and put it in a garbage bag.

Three bags later, people watched as I shoved their crap into the tippy top of the closets.

Then I told people that their "stuff" would be on vacation FOREVER and to not even try getting it down, because if they got it down, it would go into the trash.

The TV is off.

My bathrooms are slightly cleaner.

And people have been banished to their rooms until DadGuy gets home from work.

Today's parenting equation :  Me = Bad Guy.

Luckily, this is okay, because: Me = Don't Care.

In entirely related news, it's RAINING and we are having a "snow day."

FUNNEST FUN IN THE HISTORY OF FUN.

I’m the “mean mom” on the block.

The neighborhood children are scared of me, and have dubbed me the “mean mom” on the block.

I attribute this to the fact that I don't let them do whatever they feel like, particularly when it involves my own children.

A few days ago, my kids were talking about Ding-Dong-Ditching at the dinner table.

In case you are unaware of what exactly a Ding-Dong-Ditch is, it’s when some obnoxious person rings your doorbell, and then RUNS AWAY before you answer the door.

Obviously, the only acceptable time to Ding-Dong-Ditch is when you are leaving treats and presents and want the element of surprise.

At any rate, there they were, talking about how fun it was to Ding-Dong-Ditch and I told them in no uncertain terms that if they ever do that FOR FUN and don’t leave a treat? I would kill them. And make them do sit-ups until they thought it wasn’t funny anymore.

Because ringing the doorbell for the sake of your own entertainment?

Not cool.

Especially when the person has a little baby at home, and you live in a townhouse, and the mom probably had to get dressed before she walked down two flights of stairs to open the door.

(Not that I have personal experience in this.)

ANYWAY.

I was sitting on the front steps, watching the kids play, when a little neighbor boy went up to a house, rang the doorbell, and started booking it down the street.

I yelled “NO.” and he was so surprised that someone was actually telling him “No” that he stopped dead in his tracks and looked at me in horror.

THEN, I made him to the most horrible thing in the whole history of the world:

I made him go back and apologize.

There was also a girl that liked to tattle on everyone in the neighborhood as soon as she got off the bus.

“Steven wasn’t sitting in his seat.” “Skylar wasn’t listening.” “Thaddeus wasn’t being nice.”

And on and on and on it went.

Until finally one day, I had had enough.

And then I said:

 

And it was as if I had crushed her precious little tattling heart.

We are also neighbors with a boy who I am quite certain has never been told “no” in his life. In his 7 year old head, we are on equal grounds.

Now, there are few things that bother me more than parents that think that their children should be involved in every aspect of the household decision making process, and here’s why: THEY’RE KIDS AND THEY DON’T HAVE JOBS.

I am also not a fan of people who think that they should do everything for their kids. I call this parenting tactic: Let’s set unrealistic expectations about life and then act surprised when our 18 year old doesn’t know how to make a can of soup or get to work on time!

But since that’s not what I’m really talking about, I’m going to go back to the 7 year old that thinks that I should explain myself.

Here’s a reality check: I DON’T HAVE TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING TO YOU, EVER.

I also have been known to kick kids out of my house for various offenses and if I’m watching your child and they’re being naughty, they will go to time out.

And when children are particularly naughty, I try really hard to come up with a suitable lesson.

 

And that is why I’m the “mean mom” in the neighborhood.

(Which is exactly how I like things to be.)

Productivity

It's one o'clock and I have: 

• cleaned and rearranged the boys room
• vacuumed the stairs
• vacuumed the air vents
• cleaned all the hardwood in the house
• finished 5 loads of laundry
• made dinner
• given myself a few highlites
• and a haircut
• taken out the garbage
• cleaned the sliding glass doors 
• and done the dishes. 

Now, I'm going to sit on the couch and watch TV until the other kids get home from school.

Happy Friday.

It's just how I always dreamed it would be

Daniel is sick.

Sinus infection.

Double ear infection.

And a wicked nasty eye infection too.

(Sidenote: You know you've spent too much time in a doctor's office when the doctor writes you a prescription, you look at it, hand it back, and tell him to write a new one for the antibiotic of your choosing.... I don't want to come back in 10 days, thankyouverymuch.)

By default, this means that he is ruining everyone else's life.

He is unwilling to share anything,

overly possessive,

loud,

angry,

and cries at the drop of a hat.

On top of that, school was cancelled (again) because of a little ice.

So I have extra people who are trying to play with other people and guys,

IT IS NOT WORKING OUT SO HOT.

The icing on the cake is that DadGuy was conveniently "sick" yesterday too.

However...

You know when people are "sick" and they have a headache,

And yet they still manage to play video games?

Which, I may point out, if you actually HAD a headache, you would not be focusing your eyes on video games, but rather laying in a dark, cold, and quiet room, as far removed from people as humanly possible.

Yeah.

So I have one actual sick person,

One fake sick person,

Four short people with cabin fever,

And one big gigantic mess of a house.

If this isn't the picture perfect joy of motherhood,

I don't know what is.

The Official Plan

BLACK kitchen cabinets.

WHITE kitchen island.

POSSIBILITIES include corbels under the upper cabinets, crown moulding on uppers, and maybe a bead board back splash (although I do love a good subway tile...)

Plus you know I am thinking about converting the current pantry into a half bath and making the breakfast nook (that is unusable for us) into a full blown butler's pantry... even though it probably doesn't technically count as a butler's pantry because it's still in the same room as my actual kitchen. Dumb open floor plans. But GUYS, the PLUMBING for a half bath is already there! I know, right? It's like, why didn't they put a toilet there in the first place?

Also of note: You all like bright green, turquoise, and red, and while yes, I like those colors, I do not like them  on my walls. (There, I said it. I appreciate that YOU have a red/blue/purple kitchen, but it's not for me.) Plus, I do hair in my kitchen, (don't tell the state board) and do you have any idea what a turquoise wall would do to the lighting for a blonde? DO YOU? It would totally screw with my processing time, because it's not a natural color, and would literally make the difference between a gorgeous blonde that has processed exactly right, and a screwed up brassy highlight. Even the yellow that is on the walls right now is no good, because it makes everyone look jaundiced.

Plus I hate yellow.

Someone else asked what my design aesthetic is, and well, it's hard to explain. Because I really like the vintage country cottage look, but modern. (Read: without all the foofy crap.) So, you know. THAT.

P.S. I hate knick knacks. And think that BOOKS belong on bookshelves, and not crap. I don't think every square inch of space needs to be occupied by some THING. Bare counters are sexy, yo.

Black and White

This is my kitchen.



And it’s alright as is and all that jazz, but I want to put my stamp on it.

And since I have white counters and white appliances, I didn’t really want to paint the cabinets white.

(Because dudes, I am NOT changing the counters or the appliances. Unless someone wants to give me a few thousand dollars.)

HOWEVER.

I may have had a change of heart…. maybe.

Because I asked by e-BFF Google what he thought about all white kitchens, and he loves ‘em.

But I’m still not 100%.

SO.

I’m asking your opinion.

(And that you please excuse my poorly photoshopped enhancements.)

White?



or Black?



OR

I could make the cabinets black and the island white:



Or the cabinets white and the island black:



And in case you hadn’t figured it out yet, I’m dubbing 2011 the year of the paint.

(Oh, and I am SO getting rid of the yellow.)

*Edited because of new suggestions:

White Uppers and island:

Black Uppers and Island:



Or some other combination?

P.S. This is fun.

Snowpacolypse 2011! (it sounds better if you say it with sarcasm)

UPDATE ON THE SNOW:

HA.

ha-ha-ha-ha.

snort.

The teeny bit of snow we did get is pretty much gone and melted now.

 (oh my gosh, whatever will we do with these blizzard like conditions?)

First it was going to start snowing Monday night. Then early Tuesday. Then Tuesday afternoon. Then Tuesday night. Then early Wednesday.

We even did a snow dance, because we thought it would help.

How to have a snow dance: 

Put your pajamas on backwards. 

Dance around like a crazy person. 

Unfortunately, that didn't really work either. 

I am thinking, though, that I should apply for a weatherman position. 

Because I can call the weather just as well, if not better, than the schmucks they have working right now, and my estimations are based on not one, not two, but THREE surefire bad weather predictors:

1. how itchy my skin is
2. how curly my hair is
3. and how bad my wrist hurts (thank you old dodgeball injury and years of blow-drying clients!)

And if all of the above are happening? WATCH OUT. 

It's a totally fail safe plan. 

I'm in a Mood... OBV

It's supposed to snow on Tuesday. 

OBVIOUSLY, this means that my kids will be home from school that day, because if they even hint that there might possibly be a CHANCE of snow, school gets cancelled. 

I'm already dreading it. 

Because if they cancel school Tuesday, then it will be cancelled Wednesday. 

And if the snow isn't melted by Wednesday night, then school will be cancelled Thursday. 

I mean, I have got to live in one of the stupidest areas in the world (in regards to snow.)

(Heaven forbid I say that our school district is stupid.) 

Meanwhile, I say stupid. 

My kids say stupid. 

And it's not a bad word at my house. 

Know why? 

Because SOMETIMES THINGS ARE STUPID. 

Know what else we say? 

SHUT UP. 

Not "Please be quiet" or "Shhh." 

We straight up say, 

SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE. 

I mean, SERIOUSLY. 

I just don't get when people say they're "bad words" because they're NOT bad words. 

You might not prefer those words and opt for a politer phrase, but that doesn't make them BAD. 

I am so sick of people putting perfectly acceptable words into the "bad" category. 

Plus did I mention they're going to cancel school on Tuesday? 

SUPER FUN. 

P.S. Danny's favorite thing to call people: stupid idiot but it sounds more like "Too-pid  I-ye-ught"

P.P.S. Then Taylor says "I not too-pid. YOU too-pid."

P.P.P.S. Did I mention the school thing? Oy. 

P.P.P.P.S. (this is the last one, I swear.) My kids sang in church today, and it was NOT stupid. Now I'm done. 

The Pink Mom

Taylor has two moms.

There is me, the mean mom she lives with.

And then there is:

The Pink Mom.

The Pink Mom is a wonderful person.

She lets Taylor do whatever she wants all the time.

I can’t compete.

I even tried to use the Pink Mom to my advantage…

But it didn’t work.

Now I have psychological fights with a three year old who makes up the rules as she goes.

I only win because I’m bigger.

Of course then I have to hear about how NICE the second mom is.

She even tells her friends and neighbors about her pink mom. 

I gave up on this whole pink mom thing a long time ago.

I mean, seriously, how am I supposed to compete?

Besides, if she can use her imagination this well, I don’t think there will ever be a problem that she can’t solve.

Nailed It

When I stopped working full time and started staying home with the babies, I “gave up” a lot of extra stuff.

One thing that I will never give up?

Acrylic nails.

I am the worst nail biter in the history of nail biters, and the only thing that stops that nasty habit?

Acrylic fingernails.

So every other week or so, after the shortlings have gone to bed, I get out my box of "nail stuff”, set up my little station (complete with my ghetto nail drill.. Dremel for the win!), turn on the laptop, and catch up on my shows while I buff and file.

DadGuy complained about the smell, until I reminded him that I’m saving thousands of dollars by doing this myself.

Besides, they make me feel pretty.

Late Christmas Present

On Christmas Eve, when we were writing our letter to Santa, Blayne said:

“All I want is for Christmas is my teeth to come out.”

Guess who got her Christmas wish granted just a little bit late?

 

She now answers to the name: Toothless Joe.

My USB Cable Ran Away & You're Invited

You know, I have a photo from today, because if you haven't noticed, I have been putting up a photo every day.  However, on this day, I cannot find the cable that hooks to the computer, that lets me put a photo on le blog.

Of course, I'm sure if I tore apart the toy bins, or maybe looked under some bed, or maybe even under the couch, I would be able to find it. But let's be honest, I don't know where to start, and that seems like a whole lot of work, with no real promise of reward. Because for all I know, someone has stuffed it into their pillowcase and is sleeping with it right now. (What, your kids don't keep their special stuffs in their pillowcases? Who are you people?)

In other news, I don't think I ever mentioned on my blog, that we're having a miniature version of the Casual Blogger Conference right HERE, in Virginia, and that all of my Virginia friends should totally come, because it's going to be So. Much. Fun.

And not only Virginia friends, but everyone else too, because you can fly in to the Dulles International Airport, and then BOOM, you're at the hotel. LIKE MAGIC. 

It's a MINI Casual Blogger Conference, because it's only one day. And we feed you lunch. A delicious, delicious lunch that I have to pick, and am having a really extremely hard time narrowing down, because honestly, everything just sounds so good.

At any rate, we are having a mini conference. And YOU are OFFICIALLY invited.

The Kids Are Alright

Today can be summed up by the following sentence:

THE KIDS ARE BACK IN SCHOOL!

To celebrate, we had pancakes for dinner.

Nothing beats a good breakfast in the p.m.

Day Three: Dinner of Champions

buttermilk pancakes, homemade strawberry jam, scrambled eggs, and bacon.

Sauce of Life

Tonight we had spaghetti.

I never thought about having spaghetti on a Sunday night before, because to me, Sunday equals crock pot.

Do you know how many fabulous things you can make in a crock pot?

Answer: Eleventy billion.

But after a comment at church today, I really wanted spaghetti with homemade tomato sauce.

So I chopped up some garlic,

And them some celery and some carrots,

I diced up an onion,

And then I threw in a smidge of jalapeno for kick.

I blanched a pound of tomatoes, then crushed them into my sauce.

It was delightfully messy, and I had tomato juice dripping down my elbows.

Then it was time for seasonings.

A little salt,

Some oregano,

And definitely we need some pepper.

I opened the warehouse sized pepper,

And tipped the jar to sprinkle it in.

Except that I had accidentally opened the “spoon” side and not the “sprinkle” size.

And I would say about three quarters of a cup of pepper,

Went straight into the sauce.

Instead of scooping out the mounds of unwanted seasoning,

I threw the pot in the sink and turned on the disposal as sauce splashed on to the counters and walls.

I didn’t want to save  it, I didn’t want to try and fix the sauce.

I wanted it perfectly perfect, without any effort on my part,

And when that didn’t happen,

I was mad.

And now as I sit here typing,

With two burns on the tops of my fingers,

I know I am supposed to make an analogy about life and spaghetti sauce.

And how a good life (sauce) is made with the bits and pieces (ingredients) you have.

And even though you don’t always have the things you want (like ginger. I had no ginger. Or basil!)

You always have what you need. (tomatoes. I had lots of tomatoes)

And that though your efforts may not turn out like you planned, (too peppery)

And you thought that what you were doing was right on track (I should have checked the lid!),

That’s no excuse to give up (or toss the sauce down the drain)

You can’t focus on the bad things (pepper)

And you have to work hard with what you have,

And appreciate the life (sauce)  that you’ve made.

Yes, if I talked about all those things,

It would be a rather delicious analogy.

But I keep thinking about the pepper.

Resolution for the New Year: Appreciate.
 

day two: be our guest.          

1/1/11

day one                           

I liked today. A lot.

It was warm,

We had a birthday party,

And I am caught up with work for the first time in…. well, a LONG TIME.

I EVEN plan to go to bed at a reasonable hour.

Shocking, I know.

Happy New Year.

*awesome necklace gifted to me by Libby. Thanks doll, it’s perfection!