Hate to Love, Love to Hate

Our first guest is ZoeyJane from Mommy is Moody. She's real, she's raw, and she's solid gold. I've seen her metamorphosis, I've seen her change. She's growing up the hard way, and I'm honored to be along for the ride. You know I love you.

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You know how being a girl means that you're required to hate certain other girls? Like the one that stole your best friend's boyfriend, or the one that's trying on the same dress as you in the change room and makes you look hideous when you stand next the her in the three-way mirror? No, me neither. I'm much bigger a person than that. Right.

Being a mommy nowadays, it seems like so much is about cultivating this impressive persona of: caring, dedication, 24/7 availability, craftiness and domestic superheroism. I can't meet those standards, as can't a lot of us. So we choose to be envious and pick away at the perfection.

"Did you see what her son was eating? I think it was a NutriGrain bar! There's so much sugar in those and I'm sure it wasn't organic! I don't even think it was name brand. Why doesn't she just pump him full of ritalin, right now?"

See? Being a mom is fun.

Then, I met my match. MomBabe.

She's got great hair, even when she's claiming it's ridiculous. She's got four shortlings to my one. She met her husband somehow that led to a kiss after some roof jumping, or something like that. And worse yet, she can leave glue on a table and have a stapler in a house, and no one's required a call to poison control or stitches, yet. She's some damn perfection, that one.

Yet I just can't hate her.

I can't barely even envy her, in that green, sickly sweet, I'll-kiss-your-ass-so-I-get-

to-know-the-real-goods kind of way. Not that I do that. It's not fair. If ever there was a specimen that I should be able to troll, it'd be her.

I mean, she blogs these photos of things they all have made. Seems like I should be able to say something about that, right? Nada. It's too cute.

Then, she posted that video of herself singing. That's gold. But, still nothing. Cuz I totally got that that computer kept getting touched.

She's not going to be allowed to pick tomatoes in less than two weeks and I can't even mock her for that. Because it was just too funny that tasks like that were specificially mentioned.

You know why? Because she's someone who would add me to the Xmas card list, make my kid a Halloween costume and ask me for a hand that avails creative control without a timeline. Damned perfection, I say.

I guess I have one thing to make fun of her for. She was silly enough to invite me to guest post.

I have the bestest timing

Alright my friends, my internet time is going to be nonexistent starting tomorrow.

I know that's a bit early and all, but, hello, BOWEL CLEANSE. I mean, I've had to do it twice before and let's just say that my best friend tomorrow will be my toilet. And since I'm riding the "Too Much Information" train, I'll have you know the first time I did a bowel cleanse I got these nifty little pills that I had to take EVERY FIFTEEN MINUTES. (OsmoPrep.) The second time I had to drink Phosphosoda. And don't be fooled by the "flavors"..... honey-lemon STILL TASTES LIKE CHALK. I know, you all are jealous.

And wouldn't you know that my time off coincides with this?

I mean, talk about poor timing on my part. Therefore, I'm asking you to pimp me out, because I can't do it myself. I mean, I WOULD, but I'm not allowed. (Don't make me play the hysterectomy card...oops. Totally did.)

And you can vote every 24 hours. Up to January 12. That's potentially 8 votes from you. You know, plus if you vote on your work computer, and maybe from the library, or from your mom's house. Get creative. I'm up against some of the "big dogs" and how sweet would it be for the underdog (me) to win?

And if you want to vote for even MORE great bloggers...

Tara of If Mom Says OK is a finalist for the Best Up and Coming Blog.

CJane is a finalist for the Best Major Blog.

My favorite Redneck Mommy is up for Best Canadian Blog.

Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy is up for Best Individual Blogger.

And Blog Nosh is up for Best New Blog.

Oh yeah, and to vote for me, go HERE.

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Now, I don't want you to worry your pretty little heads about me. I'll be fine. I'll post a few updates here and there, but mostly, I've lined up some pretty awesome guest posters. So, enjoy them, and remember to play nice. See ya in a few!

Judgy McJudgePants

So the throwing up thing? Not food poisoning. And now, THREE of the shortlings are experiencing fever/rashes/diarrhea/AND vomiting. Together. It's as if Satan descended upon our house and decided to throw a party.

STILL, since my sister is visiting and there's only a few "fun" days left, we had to do something fun. So we headed down to Washington DC to see what we could see.

And let me tell you, we see'd a lot of ugly.

Now I'm no fashion diva. But there are a few things I feel pretty strongly about.

{Leggings}

Leggings are different than pantyhose and tights.... and sometimes they can be interchanged but lots of times THEY CANNOT. So when you're thinking that you want to be cute and show off your skinny legs, GREAT! But make sure you're wearing actual LEGGINGS and not SHEER TIGHTS. Especially when you are completing the look with a regular length shirt..... I'm just saying.... it looks like you forgot your skirt....

The other issue I have is with

{COMMON SENSE}

Common Sense would tell you that it's cold outside and that you should wear pants...

Common Sense would tell you that it's cold outside, and you should wear socks....

Common Sense would tell you that it's cold outside, and that you should just maybe, quite possibly be wearing closed toe/closed heel shoes.

Common Sense would tell you that this looks really, REALLY stupid.

And does having buttons on the leg warmers make them better? I feel otherwise. When we passed you and you were all shivering and saying "It's so COLD!" I was muttering, "of course you're cold you dummy. You're wearing SANDALS and no hose, or tights, or heaven forbid pants... And with LEG WARMERS that are most definitely NOT SOCKS."

Now, that may have been the mother in me, but I'm thinking it was more along the lines of my actual brain working. I mean, leg warmers that aren't warming your legs. I think someone should get her money back.

And that's pretty much how my day went. I spent it JUDGING YOUR WARDROBE. Good times.

From Vomit to Free Stuff! What a Day!

I woke up to the lovely aroma of vomit, and have had to shower a certain toddler more than once today. But now that her system is empty, she seems to be, dare I say it, BETTER. Do babies, excuse me, TODDLERS get food poisoning? Cause seriously. Girlfriend is happy now.

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I was the recipient of a darling bracelet from the lovely Tara over at If Mom Says Okay.

And since it's a Pay It Forward type of deal, it's YOUR turn to get a handmade gift from MOI. Oh the possibilities.... (insert eyebrow wiggle)

{The Rules}

• Be one of the first three bloggers to leave a comment on this post, which then entitles you to a handmade item from me.
  

• Winners must post this challenge on your blog, meaning that you will Pay It Forward, creating a handmade gift for the first three bloggers who leave a comment on YOUR post about this giveaway!
  

• The gift that you send to your Three Friends can be from any price range and you have 365 days to make/ship your item. This means you should be willing to maintain your blog at least until you receive your gift and have shipped your gifts. And, remember: It’s the Spirit and the Thought That Count!
  

• When you receive your gift, please feel free to blog about it, sharing appropriate Linky Love!
  

• If you are not one of the Top Three Commentors on this post, you can still play along. Please take the button and post it on your blog; start your own Pay It Forward chain, and encourage your blogging friends to do the same!

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I was tagged for a meme. The one where you STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND TAKE A PICTURE RIGHT NOW. DO NOT EDIT. DO NOT PASS GO....

So, here I am. Thank goodness this was on an "errand" day otherwise I might have been in my underwear with greasy hair... the very picture of perfection.

Something tells me I'm doing this right...

We picked up my sister from the airport today. She came to be my slave so that I don't have to worry about picking tomatoes too strenuously, what with the specific post-op instructions....

Anyways, on the way home from the airport, I asked the kids what they wanted to show Aunt Meredith. What cool places they'd like her to see while she's visiting.

Thaddeus - "I want to take her to the Gardens!"

Daniel - "Ooh! Ooh! Gardens!"

Me - "Oh yeah? The Botanic Gardens? That's a really cool place. How 'bout you Blayners? Where do you want to take Aunt Meredith to?"

Blayne - "Ummm, I want to take her to McDonalds."

That's my girl.